Fish Out of Water

So life, aye! It has been a bit of a challenge lately. I don’t think it is possible to stay in cruise control forever. Wouldn’t make sense, would it? Life won’t allow you to get too comfortable. You must always kick your feet or wiggle your arms to stay afloat.

I’ve always thought of life as an ocean. We are all trying to get along with the fish and walk on water. I guess there has only been one of us able to do it, if I can remember back to my St. Mary’s studies. I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore.

Here’s another one for you (as you’ve heard a million times before): Life is like a roller coaster. Full of ups and downs, flips, twists, and turns. But imagine it without this variation. As I advise my consults at the gym, whatever type of exercise you do, it is important to mix-it-up and play with the intensity and incline levels. Not only with this help keep things interesting; it will generate more productive/worthwhile results. Imagine waking up, slipping on your shoes, and running the same plateau, unscenic marathon every day for the rest of your life. Not only would you risk getting injured, but most importantly, you wouldn’t grow! Grow, like I’m hoping my miniature herb garden back in Hamilton is at the moment.

As I ponder and use this free time on the bus journey home from Rotorua, I’ve realized over these past couple of weeks that I have been having trouble staying afloat. Many nights I bomb my pillows with heavy rains as I think about things and weigh out my life and possible choices.

Crash. Burn. Smile. No, I can’t. I wish. What is wrong with me? Me. Who is me? Excuse me. There it is again. Who am I? What’s wrong with me? Happiness? Where is it? Why am I crying?

See what I mean by drowning. I really need to get me some of those Finding Nemo floaties from the Warehouse. Haha. God, I may sound really insane at the moment. But I’m NOT one of those people that keep things bottled away. I’d rather play the detective and hunt for the truth and sort things out.

So last week, I did what I’m known to do. I drove to the ocean and JUMPED IN! Raglan, Indeed. To be closer to the familiar. The ocean. I just needed to remind myself that I am here, tens of thousands of miles from home, because I want to be!

But there’s a difference between confronting your problems and displaying them to the whole world on the web. The details will remain between my friends and close family, but just know that I'm starting a new chapter in my life: FINDING ME.

I’m on a search to find Jill again. Jill Carlene Krawczewicz. Yes the girl with the insanely long Polish last name. And spell check don’t think you are a genius either. Here are the facts:

1. I’m not cheery old Jill at the moment
2. Cam and I are on a break
3. I’ve narrowed down my work hours
4. I will be staying in NZ til December
5. I will be going home briefly to catch some sunshine in July
6. I have the best friends and family I could EVER ask for!

That’s enough for now...

Peace n love always,

Jill Carlene Krawczewicz